Fruits for Druids & Vines for Valkyries

by Aleksi Eeben

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All too often we limit ourselves to just a few well-known kinds, not realizing the vast wealth of other flavours we are missing. Fruits for Druids & Vines for Valkyries looks at some of these largely ignored fruits, with the hope of encouraging you to find space in your garden.

When we first approached our beadmakers with sketches and plastic ladybugs it took a bit of convincing to have them made. We had to first find a tool which produced the right size disc shaped bead. And our beadmakers were convinced no one would buy them—they have been successful from the first shipment more than 8 years ago.


released January 1, 2015



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Aleksi Eeben Finland

Composer, Seasoned Sound Designer, Vegan, Mensan, Tetris Olympian, Cocktail & Burlesque & Jazz Enthusiast

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Track Name: Planets of Vines (Feat. Nina, Pia, Pinja & Matthew)
Hello there, my name is Matthew

In response to reviewers and listeners complaining
that his music is often of acquired taste
Aleksi has hired me to explain every
turn and twist of his latest song

We just started with an only slightly atypical
endlessly repeating square bass ostinato

Ironic C major triad, the father of all chords
Followed by a D major triad, anchoring a Lydian feel

Building some larger chords to a hint that
there's perhaps more in the bassline than meets the ear

Aleksi wasn't too happy with that last chord
It should have been more resonant voicing
in the upper range

Here we have a Juno arpeggiator
backed by glass pipe chords

One must simply quite enjoy
these added tribal finger cymbals
playing a traditional pattern

We have brought back the bassline
I can say that wasn't a surprise
for me at least

Anyway, you should have
the chords stuck in your head by now
so we can move on to the main melody

And on to the main melody we go
which is formed by some traditional buzzing techno sounds
inspired by presumably the mid-1990's
while the bass ostinato moves to a lower frequency

Featuring Nina from Copenhagen on the left channel
while on the right channel the Finnish wonder Pia
whom Aleksi randomly met
at Koko Jazz Club one night

Apologies if I'm pronouncing Pia incorrectly
It is spelled papa-indigo-alpha

While comfortably looping
we introduce here some new sounds
and an alternative harmonization

Bells and finger cymbals with the harmonized voice
that is now transposed into a low gnarling sound

The arpeggiator notes are now voiced closer
just running hexatonic scales up and down

Back to the buzzing melody alone for a second

Now for a tribute

Can you tell which these ping pong balls
on a toy xylophone
playing mathematical ornamentation
in the background show respect to?

The answer is of course
the great British animator Cyriak

Pasila, Porilaisten marssi

This element of the song is presumably
to provoke a parodical military fanfare
to ridicule all of the world's armed forces

It could also be insighted to ridicule
all of the world's national sports teams
and presidency

Imagine there's no country
Absolutely no religion too
Ah, the only song Aleksi can sing in karaoke

This orchestral cymbal symbolizes
the bashing of all idols
and clashing of all clans

Nina imitating a trumpet

Do you eat meat?
Or drink from a cow's tit?

Because if you do you are
either cruel or a stupid resource waster
Go vegan, you are a worthless sub-human monster

Some simple maths for you

The Earth has resources
for either 5 billion idiots
or 20 billion vegans

If this single sells more than 20 copies
or gets more than 1000 Spotify plays
then an instrumental version
which I suppose won't include me
will appear on Aleksi's next album

Listen carefully, because now Aleksi reveals
the hidden passing chords, which were built
into the bassline from the very beginning

Maybe you heard them there already

Zills, giddyup, giddyup

What's the synthesizer you're using
What a clever trick muting the delays at first repeat

Cliche large opening chords

Playing around the newly discovered tonal field
with the arpeggiator and the noisy low bass

Low bass doubled by the square bass
for additional clarity and determination

We know this harmonic space now, don't we
So let's just repeat after me

Mega Juno chords

C major triad
B minor add 9
D major add 11
F#7 sus 4
C add 9
B minor add 9
D major triad
F#7 sus
C add 13/11
D major 7 add 13
F# minor 7 add 11
And so on

Be prepared for the second melody line

Introducing the second melody
Easy sing-along kind of one
just emphasizing
the top notes of each chord

Nina singing on the left channel
Pia singing on the right channel

Bringing in the arpeggiator
this time with a sawtooth synth

If this dreamy melody evokes a feeling of any kind
it's coming purely out of you, not out of the music

It's a technical creation
arising from the tonal materials
that happened to be there already

It has no real meaning
or purpose

Pinja playing the beautiful cello line
in this very culmination point of the story
The greatest tuba of art theory
Rebirth, catharsis
Now actually the bass is for the first time
playing the actual chord roots
This should create the impression
of an opening door
which was closed for over seven minutes

10% of the general population
are not known to recognize this kind
of harmonic movement

and another 5% percent are known
to over-analyze them

Those who properly over-analyze it
will recognize that it is a toilet door
30 dB of sound-proofing
and automatic lights off after 5 minutes

Distorted synth leads here
through too long Russian string reverb
It's supposed to be so huge
that it leaves everything else underneath

Hopefully the mixing engineer
won't turn it down too much

More and more
In a mix there's always room
for some piccolos and castanets

There was trouble finding
proper zill sounds that still cut through this part

Miami, Porilaisten marssi

Next item from the slowly emptying bag of tricks
is an ironic Miami Vice snare

At the same time we added a running octave bass
which is the real face of the synthesizer

And a tummy slapping percussion loop there

Did you know that you're not allowed to be
listening to Aleksi's music while driving a tank
or while grilling and chilling on a hill watching
missiles hit your neighbouring country

Miami, Porilaisten marssi

Here the running octave bass takes a bigger role
building the last mutation of the harmony
for an appropriate out-of-this-world finale

Pia and Nina singing the newly mutated melody line
on their own channels

A sudden, high, ghostly note in the backing
round Moog voice

Again, the arpeggiator makes it stronger
Quietly backed by some kitchy, korgish, rhytmic bells
Feel the blocks move into your head

The Miami rototoms playing a rhythmic-melodic
countermotif with a hidden message
Can you decode it?

The first real note in a composition is actually
the one that establishes a new tonal center
Before that there is no music in music

Oh, one of my favorite musicians
Logic X Alternative Drummer Zak playing
the Three Chords preset on Detroit Garage Kit
on the middle channel

Oh, we're having to leave soon, I'm afraid
because iTunes singles and Abbey Road digital
mastering services have an arbitrary
and unnecessary 10 minute limits

Eurovision modulation
Just kidding

Logic X R'n'B Drummer Rose playing the New Soul preset
on Slow Jam Kit on the left channel

Panning from left to right is Mercedes-Benz
A Class model 2005 accelerating from 0 to 150 km/h

Logic X Rock Drummer Max playing the Amped Up preset
on East Bay Kit on the right channel
with 24 dB per octave high-pass filter at 750 Hz

Pure square wave doubling
and distorted lead synth
falling down to the last note
of this song
Track Name: Artillery Oriented Blues
Types of artillery

Field artillery
Motorized artillery
Self-propelled artillery
Railway gun
Naval artillery
Coastal artillery

Subcategories of field artillery

Infantry support guns
Mountain guns
Field guns
Gun howitzers
Anti-tank artillery
Anti-aircraft artillery
Rocket artillery

This is the Artillery Oriented Blues

List of countries in order of amount of artillery

Democratic People's Republic of Korea
Republic of Korea
United States

This is the Artillery Oriented Blues

(Repeat Chorus)

NATO recognizes
several different types
of fire support
for tactical purposes

Counterbattery fire
Counterpreparation fire
Covering fire
Defensive fire
Final protective fire
Harassing fire
Interdiction fire
Preparation fire
Deep supporting fire
Close supporting fire
Neutralization fire
Suppression fire

This is the Artillery Oriented Blues

Wikipedia contributors, Artillery
Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia