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Various Secret Continents

by Aleksi Eeben

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Get ready Good luck reptile! Power up Engine up Shield up Rotating laser blades Long-range scanner is lit Reached orbit All limbs functional Setting course to destination Approaching the melody section Introducing the main melodic theme Producer demanded panflutes Increasing chord progression complexity and density As required in order to support the system All substations prepare for partly polytonal countermelody Partly polytonal countermelody activated Producer demanded more panflutes! See the shiny planet on the port side Enjoy the view! Routine repairs of the space vessel Rubber bolts loose Rotating laser blades Ready to engage on a secret mission of greater importance Radio talks in ancient android language Get ready for hyperspace Entering hyperspace One minute to destination Detected outboard rowboat motor and horse gallop Gently deflecting all wrong notes And some anti-matter jelly E-sail brakes on Approaching planet with no name All condition clear Ready for orbit Outboard rowboat motor, avoid gimbal lock! Harmonic structure in danger! Space vessel docked Rubber bolts loose Upgrading system Eurovision modulation expected Good luck reptile! All systems go Approaching ridiculously large enemy ship at end of level Nargo and Tegra report impenetrable enemy shield Targeted shots! Keep on firing! Steady, hold your position! Ei saa jäädä tuleen makaamaan! Keep on firing! Enemy shield down Now is your chance - now is our chance! Level complete Every level is a bonus level You are the only Snow Salamander in the universe The only reptile that can survive ice, snow and winter
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about

Salamanders are superheroes. Superheroes, almost by definition, have superpowers.

The Snow Salamander is the only reptile in the universe, that can survive ice, snow and winter. In war, this can be quite an advantage: Not even the vilest enemy would expect a reptile to attack them during the coldest winter. Resembles Xena in character and likes DoDonPachi Daifukkatsu Black Label for breakfast.

The Sun Salamander spent its childhood in the vast, dry, burning hot deserts near Kalahari. Now it brings sunshine and warmth wherever it goes. That, if anything, is a superpower in this cold, merciless world.

The Rye Salamander can digest Finnish rye bread without any stomach pain or flatulence. This is thought to be an extremely rare, yet rather useless superpower. Time will tell. That could be the mark of the king when rye farmers rise to power.

The Continental Salamander is the traveller type. Although young, it's the only Salamander that has lived on each one of the Secret Continents. Other Salamanders don't even know the total number of them. Which is, by the way, seven.

The Solitary Salamander is a former high-rank military officer, now retired with honors and also a few little, juicy scandals. Now it wears sandals and no longer aims to kill all non-reptiles. Its superpower is its complete inner calmness. Small in stature. But absolutely nothing could ever upset this knightly creature. It's been told that it has even survived the hour of the wolf without crying.

The Semolina Salamander is one who did not appear until recently. "A Salamander who collects shurikens can't be all bad", thought the Black one and let it in. During the night it became clear that it could recall all the plot twists of Dallas into the very finest detail. "That is good enough for a superpower", said Black. And on they went with a few more glasses of wine and a few more episodes.

The Black Salamander, unlike all other Salamanders, bears no special ability. But it somehow knows about the superpowers of all the other Salamanders and occasionally, yet rarely, feels connected with them.

credits

released December 31, 2010

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Aleksi Eeben Finland

Wayward fairy tale music for grown-ups and misfits

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